Mr. Davis.. is a jewbag. He assigns a wealth of assignments within a small amount of time, gives little indication of what is expected and refuses to acknowledge that we need sleep. My grades are nowhere near I want them to be, and I STILL have no personal time. I can't even concentrate right now - I'm to concerned with my workload and lack of understanding of the assignment. I would just love to put him through a semester of highschool in it's current state. I can't possibly believe that highschool was this intense when he went to school. They had time to hang out with friends after school.. I don't even have time to sit down and eat dinner half the time. 

I feel really sick right now. It's like - there's a mixture of alien diseases in my stomach right now. I think it could have something to do with the 36 hours stuck at the rink within 3 days, the amazing roast beef dinner I had last night, and the equally amazing turkey dinner + the two slices of the really good graham cracker/chocolate/whipped cream/peanut butter cake gramma made. Regardless, I think my tummy may as well have it's own Al Quada unit somewhere in there.

Moving on.

Things in my head have seemed to re-order themselves. I'm mostly stable and I'm back to my normal hillarious self. This break-up thing is starting to pass. I'm in the mind-set of: look what he's missing. Which to me, seems like a good thing. It's easy on my emotions and when it goes away, this mess will have been completely put behind me. Everyone deserves someone/something that makes them happy, and he just wasn't it.

Now that I'm a single fish, my eyes have definitely taken to the bigger fish. At a ringette tournament... one wouldn't expect to find men - well attractive ones anyway. However, the officials there (while most were female or older men) were quite 'fit'. If only my officiating career had been a few years more - I'd be on that. OH! I'd be on that.

So this is day 5 (?) of my interpersonal warfare experience. It can't be pms. That has been controlled with the meds. Pms for me - after medication - lasts only around 2 days, and I can fight it fairly well. Right now.. I'm losing it. My moods are excruciatingly unstable, and I can't think straight. I feel angsty and I want to fight someone... physically. Then I'll feel vulnerable and I beat myself up psychologically.

Something is wrong.

I find myself rather bi-polar lately. It's been nearly two weeks since Justin and I have broken up, and I've stumbled across another. Is that suppose to be a good thing? I barely know this boy, but he seems promising. And yet - I can't sway my thoughts from Justin. He broke it off, I'm the victim, he said the hurtful things the following day, freeing me from my victim status. I don't want to subject myself to someone that doesn't love me equally, but I don't want to lose something that had the potential to be great.

A new opportunity arises, and fearful I hold back. Why couldn't he just love me the first time.. why couldn't we get it right? He wasn't drop-dead gorgeous. He wasn't funny. He wasn't anything like me, but I felt something. Casey's my twin and competely and utterly adorable, but I lack the confidence to win him. He moves in a step, and I take 2 back.

I will try to plant my feet firmly on the ground. And I will win this internal battle. I will.

So.. a good friend of mine through some of this stuff in my lap, and I gotta say - it's beautiful. Not what you want to be listening to when you're in a sad mood, but it's just breath-taking. Minimalistic, calming, and over-whelmingly brilliant... from Iceland Sigur Rós is just great.

March Break - is boring me. I want to go back to school and flaunt my new clothes I spent 120 bucks on. I need a mood lift, boys are silly.

Shopping with Mom for some new house stuff, she refused to buy me this..